I ran sixty laps today. Five miles. Omg, exuberance!!! o_O  ¶ 22:43

I've been up to mostly the same thing lately (meaning eating, exercising, and reading). I can't really say much of it has been interesting enough to write a whole blog about, though here are some of the highlights:

We went to the Harry Potter midnight release party last week. (I've never been before, but Lori takes the kids every year.) There were over a thousand people jammed into the Borders, and I know six other stores in the area were holding similar scale parties. More than a few had on costumes and hats. My favorite, by far, was the teenage guy who showed up in nothing but a brightly colored blanket. "What are you?" people asked. A lady answered for him "He's a house elf!" He grinned and agreed. House elves can't have clothes.

I read Harry Potter in two days. I think it was better than the last one, but I was disappointed with the ending. Perhaps she's fooling us and things will turn out differently in the end. But if things really are exactly as they appear, I think events are inconsistent with her theme. (If you want to discuss this, please don't post any spoilers in the comments.)

The only other nice thing that's happened lately is that I've got a new cellphone. I had my old one for three years, and it was really starting to act glitchy. This new one is shiny and colorful, and I can't WAIT until I get a PC cable for it. I am going to upload this song to be my ringtone ASAP because I personally think its freaking hilarious. (It'll probably annoy the crap out of everyone else who hears it... but that's the primary function of cellphones in the first place. I will feel no guilt.)

Now, let's talk about my comic. Boy, I've been a Grade A slacker this summer. I've hardly touched my sketchpad, and what I've produced has been less than mediocre. I think most of my artistic problems come from the fact that I need Lara to help me draw. She often poses for my pictures so that I can get all my proportions correct and my clothing folds more accurate. I'm really not that great of an artist otherwise; I can't produce anything realistic unless I have a model in front of me. I wish I had one of those little wooden art dummies... but even they don't express the way flesh redistributes when you sit and lie down, etc...

I think this break has been good for me overall. I started the comic because I needed a creative outlet in a very boring place. Now, I'm a lot less bored, and my creativity is being diffused into various other pursuits. I've probably driven off a few potential readers in the last few months with my lack of updates. But then again, I've never really advertised this site, so its not like my motivation for doing this is to become net-famous and popular. I enjoy those of you who do read; you encourage and amuse me. And even though I've not been good about it lately, I DO feel a sense of obligation to you regarding my silly tale. Don't think I've given up on the story. It's my baby; its the only story I know how to tell. Rest assured I'll start back working on this when I return home. I'll be heading back the first week of August. Upon arrival I will leap from my car with my pencils and books in hand, and I'll start drawing the folds in Rayne's dress just as soon as I can wrap Lara up in a large sheet. ^_~  ¶ 08:59

I'm in a great mood today. I had a headache while I ran, but I ran nonetheless. My stomach is getting smaller from the exercise. I got to eat some incredible halibut Mark brought back from his business trip to Seattle. The only down side of the day was when Kristy (the dog) bit my cousin Aaron in the face and he had to go get stitches. But Andrea and I stayed home and raided the ice cream, so all was not lost! Chocolate syrup is delicious. Oh, and we had a really tasty wine tonight too. I'm starting to like these whites we buy.
Funny how a lot of my happy day revolves around good food. I really enjoy food, and I don't think that's a bad thing. "Work hard, party hard". That's our philosophy. I can eat what I want because I'm running it off at the gym. I'm actually losing weight, even though I'm eating somewhat richer foods than normal. I think its about time I learned too cook, what do you say? I hope Jeff likes fish. That's the only meat we prepare here...
You'll be glad to know I actually worked the comic a bit today. Of course all the running, eating, and medical emergencies prevented me from doing much, but my general optimism lends itself to creativity.  ¶ 23:13

I was only four laps short of making four miles today, and quitting was more a matter of running out of time than running out of energy. Afterward I felt wonderful. My breath was deep and even, like that of a Buddha. I think I'm accomplishing what it was I came here to do; I am affecting a new lifestyle and taking greater control of myself. The Diet Coke is easy to avoid now; I haven't touched the stuff in weeks and hope to avoid it as much as possible in the future. Much like a recovering alcoholic. Its true that your mind, body, and spirit are all linked together. I hope that I can keep running the way I am now. I'm sure I'll eventually slack off, but that's okay, everyone does. The test of character is to make yourself start doing it again.

This house is all about health. And we tend to work out our minds as much as we work out our bodies. Discussion, reading, and talking about religion. I am continually fascinated by religion, and it feels really good to be around like-minded people. Seekers. Agnostic believers. (We admit we are incapable of knowing, we have no proof of goodness, yet we still believe. We must believe.)

I think other people find me a little flighty when it comes to spiritual matters. One week I'm reading a book about Zen, the next a book on atheism, the next I attend Mass and read the catechism. I take into my mind the nuances of pagan ritual, and the lyrical verses of the Bhagavad Gita. And then I decide to pour myself back into study of the Bible. I've had someone say to me once before "That's great you're into that (religion/philosophy/idea) now, but I know you... you'll just change your mind about things in six months."

This is why I have a really hard time talking about my spirit with people. I feel this deep, internal connection between everything I have ever read that appealed to the better parts of men's hearts. I believe in something universal to human struggle. "The Invisible Church", it's been called. And yet, I move around from one "small church" (small religion?) to another and find no place to hang my hat. Every place I go is full of such small concerns, such small worries.

When I look at all the faithful people in this world, I am filled with great sadness. I see people alienating and disowning each other in the name of ritual and thinking that the ritual is God. Not speaking to each other for attending a different denomination of Christianity. It is sick, and dark, and makes me bitter toward every kind of Fundamentalism. My uncle's parents haven't reacted well to placing membership with another church. (Only one example, and the one that's sparked my tirade.) Twisted faith.

I know I could pray in almost any church. I could take part in nearly any ritual and see it as a holy pathway. And yet there is nothing I can give myself over to completely. Who would have thought that a road so broad would be so lonely?
So many of the disillusioned and agnostic people I've met have abandoned faith entirely. They have no sense of wonder or mystery, and see no merit in pursuing spiritual practices. To them, the practice serves no purpose. This makes me saddest of all. Not because they have an inferior understanding persay... but because they are unable to share with me something I find beautiful.

It's so easy to lie about one's heart in order to protect people you love. To keep your mouth shut when they make small issues seem large. I wish the world didn't work that way. I always want to be authentic with people, because I think it's a form of respect. But I'm not sure when it stops being worth it.

Well. Enough of this.
This kind of thing should only be in paper journals.

But it still feels good to say. This summer is about purging. Melting down and recasting. Growing.

Lovely readers, I'm sorry if you found this mundane and angsty. It's not meant to be so... but this is a journal before anything else. Maybe if I run and rant enough, I'll be able to write a comic again? Perhaps.  ¶ 22:08