WOW. That last blog spurred a hefty and long-winded religious debate. I appreciate everyone's input. If you want to keep talking about it, that's fine, but do it in this thread, not the previous one anymore. That reply section has reached capacity!

While I'm thinking about it, happy Mabon. That's what pagans call Autumn Equinox. And while I'm not the kind who casts spells and dances around in a circle... I do like to observe the seasons. Its the second harvest. Eat an apple, why dontcha? Today marks the return to darkness in the wheel of the year.

But enough religion! Today I'm going to talk about panic attacks. I have mentioned I have them, but I've not really explained them any. (Some of you have questioned whether or not they are really panic attacks, and truthfully I don't know what they are, but I think the definition I've provided is about as close as I'm gonna get.)
They usually start with the sudden crushing realization that I EXIST. Reality somehow becomes thinner for a few minutes, and then I'm struck with a HUGE adrenaline rush. Oftentimes very strange and sometimes psychedelic imagery follows. Its always the same images, but I can't remember them until I'm having them. I usually feel terrified, but not because something is scary. Its like when someone jumps out at you. You get that wave go over your body, and you feel all prickly.

Well, the reason I'm describing this though is because Josh said that the attack sounded cool, and asked "Why don't you try to harness it?" Well, in a way, I actually DID yesterday. I was running on the treadmill as usual, and I started having an attack at about 25 minutes in. At first it slowed me down, but I pushed through it, and hit the adrenaline kick. Oh MAN. I cranked the speed up about 1/3 higher than usual, and when the workout ended, and I had run over 3 miles, I said to myself "THAT WASN'T ENOUGH RUNNING!" So I leapt off the machine and started running around the track too. I think I went at least another half mile, and I could've easily kept going, but I realized I had somewhere to be. I wonder how long I could have kept it up? Even after I left, I skipped all the way out the door.
A month ago, I could hardly make a 1.5 miles. Today I can only comfortably run 2.5 w/o slowing down. I don't think it wasn't runner's high. This was like, some kind of FORCE opened up in me. And I know it was the panic adrenaline that gave me the boost, because I was almost worn out number of miles.

Some people think my attacks are scary. But when something like this happens, I wonder if they aren't something awesome in disguise?
  ¶ 11:46